Top 10 Signs You're a Mom

By NoSlippy

Sleep? What is this “sleep” that you speak of?
Shower? What is “shower”? It is alien to me.
It’s 3:00 in the afternoon and you realize that you have not had lunch AND breakfast. And you’re wondering why you’re so cranky.
The front of your shirt is soaking wet. And it’s not because you were sweating.
In relation to #4, you are no longer fazed by any form of baby excretion. ANY form.
You’re up each day until 10PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, ironing, cooking, driving, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, budgeting, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, chasing, feeding… then get up at 5:30AM the next day, only to find out you STILL gained 10 pounds.
Your children tell you that you said “Yes.” But you don’t even remember what the question was.
You have convinced yourself that the laundry has taken on an evil nature and is out to get you. You approach the spin dryer cautiously. And with a baseball bat.
In the rare occasion that you do get some sleep, you fall asleep with various vocal ranges of “Mommyyyyyy”/”I’m hungry”/”No, no, no!” still ringing in your ears.
When you start conversations with the cashier, crossing guard, bank teller, etc. because you rarely talk to anyone over four feet tall.